It’s 4:25 am and I’m still awake. I can’t go to sleep and so much is on my mind. I’ve been thinking a lot about the word revolution and what it really means and how much spaces actually practice the theory of it. I wish I could say so much to people. I wish I had more time to talk, but more importantly listen. I’m learning so much about myself, about people. Humans are capable of so much it’s crazy. The power we have, over each other. I wish my thoughts could be written in a book as soon as I think of them. Will a revolution ever come or did we miss the point?
The trailer for Ryan Coogler’s highly anticipated film “Fruitvale Station” is out. The film is based on the last day of the life of Oscar Grant, the unarmed 22-year-old black man who was shot and killed in Oakland by a transit officer on New Year’s Day in 2009. The film adaptation, originally titled “Fruitvale”, got lots of attention at this year’s Sundance Film Festival and stars Michael B. Jordan and Oscar winner Octavia Spencer.
After Grant’s death, Colorlines.com’s Julianne Hing reported extensively on the trial of Johannes Mehserle, the transit officer who was later convicted in his slaying. You can read that reporting here.
I’m tired of writing papers. It’s my fault that I’ve procrastinated because I keep choosing work over school in the last few weeks , but I have to keep pushing. I have to keep in mind that the system is waiting for me to fail. I wasn’t meant to thrive
I don’t want to go back to Santa Cruz. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m going to fail in school. I’ve lost a lot of the drive and inspiration that keeps me motivated to do well. I think of all the strong mujeres that have taught me so much about pain, journeys, and endurance. As much as I recognize that it took a village to get me to where I am I still can’t help but feel, well blah. I need to start getting my shit together too many people sacrificed a lot for me to just stop pushing forward. As my dad would say, le tengo que hechar ganas. Im going to read and watch a bunch of movies that will hopefully uplift me and make me inspired again. Overall I think I just need to cry. Why? I’m not sure, I feel like I’m suppressing something that’s made me unmotivated. Snap the phuck out of it.